Stupid Phones

Everyday hundreds of people line up in front of Café One. Today I'm one of them and the lineup is long. I'm somewhere in the middle, invested but still a long ways off. Sometimes I feel like I'm in an endless line where time moves on but I remain still in my position.

Across the street I see another lineup for a different place. At least I think it's for a different place. And among that line I can see my reflection standing there waiting. All of us strangers together are the same here. We all share the same line together, making us in this instant, indistinguishable.

And I see you too waiting in that line. Waiting and killing time as you scroll through your phone, scrolling through the feed. And y'know, the feed is great. You can catch up on your friend that you haven't talked to in years and see that they're getting married with a person you don't know. Or you can see the very relevant news of someone important dying on the other side of the world that you never met. Or perhaps a killer deal at the shopping mall.

But how often does a friend get married, and are you even friends with them anymore? How often is knowing global news ever relevant to you except during watercooler conversations? And what are the chances that the product you want, let alone need, is on sale in this consumeristic world? For the rare moments, the phone's feed can be useful, but otherwise it's just filler. A life worth's of filler. And we're all addicted to it.

How much time has been wasted? How many opportunities missed because we couldn't see that we're waiting in the wrong line? How many best friends you never met because you were too busy reading about "Ten Things you Never Knew About Celebrities who've had Surgery".

There must be a way to take a hold of our lives, and escape this modern addiction. What if there was a way? A phone that didn't have a feed. A phone that wasn't smart. A dumb phone.

Top 10 Dumb Phones:

That's right. They exist. Phones that purely practical and don't include the addiction. In fact, they're just phones from a decade ago. Dumb phones are like smart phones, but don't include apps. Or at least are very limited. So without further ado:

#1: The Light Phone 2

The most modern looking dumb phone. It's the size of a business card, and it's designed to be used as little as possible. Because there's nothing to do on it. It has calling, texting, and that's it. Well it has some basic stuff like notes and a single alarm, etc. It uses the same screen as e-readers, its tiny, and will include no addition. It's also $300, no maps, and the battery life isn't even that good. Also it's a bit awkward with telling people your limitations: can't have group texts or send/receive images. This phone has no good features, you're literally paying for the lack of. But you look hip as fuck. With a flip phone you look weird; either poor or anti-technologist. With the Light Phone you're a modern person, ahead of the curve, being unaffected by the feed.

#2 Nokia 225 4G

Speaking of being poor and anti-technologist, here's a Nokia flip phone. It's only $50! You really can't beat that price. Honestly it looks kinda slick for a basic dumb phone. Its tiny, it actually does have a browser, and a really shitty camera. It does have no wifi though, and can only text via a T9 which is something I never want to go back to.

#3 Sunbeam

It's a flip phone. It's kind of a middle person between the two phones above. Its $200, it's got maps and all the usual phone stuff except for email, web browser, and app store. It has a tiny touch screen so you don't have to use T9 texting. So not bad.

#4: iPhone 5s

Just buy it used and unlocked for $100. Literally has more features than all the phones listed. No shut up.

Anyways, it's pretty dumb to pay more for less, isn't it? Is it all just a scam? A marketing scheme? You're essentially paying for an experience, but is it a good one? Maybe you want an experience where you can't google information on the spot, and instead have to use your head. Now you can't brainlessly following google maps, now you have to embrace comradery and ask for directions from strangers. And instead of trying to text on the really shitty T9 keyboard or tiny touch screen, you just call your friend instead. That's the idea at least, but will it work?

It's a lot of inconvenience to set you straight. You may not check the feed while in bed, but you're still going to be surrounded by temptation. Maybe that's what it's all about though. Making temptations as inconvenient as possible so you don't use it. But isn't there an easier way to do all this instead of buying an expensive shitty phone. Leave your phone in a different room instead of sleeping next to it and delete the time waster apps.

I once saw someone who used a dumb phone, and I thought it was super cool. It was possible to live the lifestyle. But they also did leave their phone at the table in front of them the whole time. It didn't seem like anything was different.

So maybe you bought the dumb phone. Now that you don't have the feed at your fingertips 24/7, what are you going to do with all that extra time? Stare at the wall and contemplate life? Well, maybe that is better than scrolling through meaninglessness. Are you still going to be miserable afterwards? I should think so. In fact, probably even more so. Being unstimulated is depressing.

So you have a shitty phone, and are still depressed. Great. This is even worse. You need to find something else to do. You're an addict. So be addicted. But just be addicted to something else. Find something else to do. Go to the gym, write, learn an instrument, research history, or learn to cook a cool ass meal tonight. Do something worth bragging to yourself about.

All easier said than done. It all sounds so hard. Thinking hurts. Trying new commits are scary. It's best to just sit in that comfy chair and take the phone and scroll through the feeds. Waiting for your brain to pity fuck you some serotonin.

Life is hard. But if you don't like what you got, why don't you try changing it?

Do you need a shitty overpriced phone to achieve these goals? Probably not. Changing your surroundings can help, but the real thing that matters is changing the mind. You have to rethink of how you spend your time. Maybe it's necessary to buy a $300 that has no features, or maybe it's as simple as deleting the app for good.

Anyways, thanks for reading my self-therapy session while we wait in line.